Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am midnight drunk by noon
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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