May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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