Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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