i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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