I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
