He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
