Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
