Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
