she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
