here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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