I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
