i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had sex on a roof
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
