im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize