Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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