i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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