I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
