how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Randomize
