Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
