PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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