mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize