Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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