yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
