She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
