idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
