Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
