New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
