I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
