I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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