I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
