someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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