Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
