If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
