The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
