And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
