even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
