so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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