2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
