Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
