look no pants
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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