I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
