i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
