Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
