Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
