it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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