it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
