4 words: hood of his car
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
