Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
