can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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