This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
