i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
