ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
