before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
