If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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