"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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