GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
