We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
