she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
