I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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