Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
