The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
