The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
