Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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