With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
