Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
